


Endure and Survive

by allyoop_1



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, But not really about zombies, First Meetings, Humor, M/M, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allyoop_1/pseuds/allyoop_1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren's junk food obsession leads to an assault by geriatric, perverted zombies. Levi steps in to help and suddenly Eren has a new obsession.</p><p>That ass.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Endure and Survive

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, this was partly inspired by the game _The Last of Us ___because my computer screensaver is a picture of Ellie shankin’ the fook out of some clickers. That's literally my only excuse for this self-indulgence.

Eren had always low-key been prepared for the apocalypse. It’s just kind of the state of being you enter when you have no close acquaintances and an addiction to first person shooter games. Barring the initial shock of watching the entire human population be consumed by alternate universe bath salt addicts, the end of the world actually wasn’t too awful. Yeah, now he had to scavenge for his daily fix of Mountain Dew and Fritos and fend off cannibals every time he had to make a donut run, but the food was pretty bountiful with the reduced population and gas prices had reached an all-time low so he counted it as a fair trade off.

So yeah, he kicked the apocalypse’s metaphorical ass (or literal ass, if you counted all the zombie tail he destroyed). You probably wouldn’t guess that if you saw him in his current position, however, because. Well, it didn’t exactly lend itself to the “ass kicking” persona. Which is to say, he was sprinting for his life from a herd of zombie senior citizens after accidently crashing the remnants of an old YMCA bingo night, all because of a sudden and inexplicable hankering for a Diet Coke.

Yeah, it wasn’t his proudest moment.

It was just that there were only so many places left in town that he hadn’t already pilfered from and the YMCA had seemed like a pretty low risk zone, what with its cheery décor and good guy image. How was he to know that someone had locked an entire herd of infected in the gym after a bingo night gone wrong?

Eh, whatever.

He’d at least managed to make it outside after unleashing the elderly undead from their temporary cage in the gym, but that didn’t really help when he didn’t have a getaway vehicle or any place to hide. Searching around desperately for higher ground, he suddenly spotted the wooden deck on the second floor of a building near the YMCA. If he could just get up there, he’d be free of the drooling codgers behind him who were faster than they looked.

Sprinting over for a closer look, he noticed a ladder leaning against the side of the building and leading right up to the deck. How convenient- must be some good treasure in this building, the gaming part of his mind helpfully supplied.

Making a dive for the ladder, he quickly scaled the fifteen feet to the ledge. Before he could clear the top, however, there was a jerk from below and clammy hands grabbing at his ankles. He didn’t shriek (he didn’t, okay?) as he kicked at the hands and tried in vain to shake them off. The movement must have disturbed the ladder, though, because suddenly it was coming down. Before it could, Eren made a jump, fingers barely catching on the deck’s rim. The ladder fell to the ground with a loud clang and Eren breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t with it.

Except now he was dangling fifteen feet from the ground by his fingertips with an angry mob of undead circling below him like some elderly, bingo-playing school of sharks. But at least he wasn’t dead.

Yet.

 “You want a piece of me, Doris?” he screamed, chucking the Coke that started this whole mess at the face of a little old lady who was trying to gnaw on his toes. He couldn’t be sure that her name really was Doris, but she sure looked like one with the way she was salivating while eying up his ass all put on display. Doris’ were notoriously perverted like that.

One of the other zombies came pretty close to chomping off his sneaker and Eren desperately tried to pull himself a little higher and over the edge, but just didn’t have the upper body strength. It was ironic that the only thing that gave him any pleasure in this fuck of a world, junk food, would also be the death of him. He wasn’t naïve, he’d always known that Ho-Ho’s and donuts went right to his ass but here was the literal proof in the literal pudding and he was about to get eaten because said ass made him too heavy for his tiny little arms to support. Fuck his lack of self-control around food.

“And fuck you Doris!” he screamed behind himself as he felt another tug to his shoe. “I hope you lost all your bingo nights and not even Viagra could help your husband get it up.”

“Well that’s awfully assuming, isn’t it? I’m sure Doris was an independent woman who didn’t need a man to get her off.”

Eren’s head snapped up. Above him on the platform stood a man with dark hair that hung in his eyes and skin as pale as alabaster. Hand placed on his waist and hip cocked lazily, his stance managed to look condescending while also perfectly poised. He was scowling distastefully at Eren, but his eyes held a spark of humor that glinted in the late afternoon sun. Honestly, Eren was just relieved that those eyes held something other than fervent lust for blood and Jaeger booty (though he honestly wouldn’t mind if this man wanted to take a bite out of it because _damn_ ).

The man cocked his head. “Quite the situation you’ve gotten yourself into here, huh?”

Eren frowned. “Well it wasn’t exactly on purpose.” He readjusted his hold on the deck and glanced around. “How did you even get up there?”

“I used the stairs,” the man said evenly, gesturing to a patio entrance that led to the deck. Fuck, Eren should have seen that earlier. “May I ask what you’re doing down there?”

“Oh, I was just proctoring bingo night and the elderly got a little riled up- what the fuck does it look like happened? I was running and tried to climb up to the deck- obviously it didn’t fucking work out!” Eren yelled, steadily losing his patience. Or was it his grip? Both, definitely both.

The man shook his head, eyes closing disappointedly. “So rude. I should honestly just leave you there.”

Eren bristled. Oh, so Hottie McFineBody had an attitude, huh? “Yeah, go for it. I’m doing just fine on my own, thank you. I’m not a damsel- I could take on all of them myself.”

“Oh I see,” the stranger snarked. “So you’re just going to, what? Kick that mob to death with your prissy-ass sneakers?”

“These are not prissy-ass sneakers,” Eren bellowed indignantly. “They’re Air Jordans, you ignorant douche noodle! And I’m getting around to killing them, okay? I’m just letting them wear themselves out first.”

“Well then, Mr. Not A Damsel, it looks like you don’t actually need my help after all,” the man said, shrugging at him and turning to amble back towards where he’d came.

“Nice knowing ya, kid,” he threw over his shoulder and Eren suddenly felt a more insistent tugging on his shoe. Damn it, Doris was getting frisky.

“Oh God, I’m a damsel, I’m a damsel! Daphne ain’t got nothing on me because I am _such_ a damsel!” Oh God, Hottie couldn’t leave because there were still things Eren wanted to do, like travel the world and read certain books and fall in love. And worship that perfect booty.

The man threw a look over his shoulder. “Are you sure? Because I thought you had this handled---”

“Yes, you dick!” Eren yelled, fingers slipping off the edge a little more. “Now hurry up and help me before Doris gets even more handsy!”

“Again with the language,” the man sighed, but then warm hands were linking with Eren’s own and he was being pulled up onto the deck. He took a moment to flop around like a fish before pushing to a sitting position to gaze in shock at his feet.

“Oh motherfucker---” He scrambled to the side of the deck to yell over the side. “Doris you fucking ho, those shoes were worth more than your Andy Kim record collection!”

Doris just growled up at him, cradling her prize in her arms like the lap dog she’d probably once owned and hissing at any of her zombie companions who meandered too close. Eren sat back on his haunches, threading a hand through his hair.

“I really did like those shoes.”

“So go down and get them.”

Eren shot a glance beside him, indignant gold eyes meeting steely gray. The man really was handsome up this close, the sunlight framing his silhouette just right and reflecting off his pale skin brilliantly.

Again, _damn_.

Eren gulped before shrugging.

“Nah, I’ll just let them go. It’s not like I couldn’t find another pair.”

“I thought you said you could fight them all.”

“Well _obviously_ I got a really bad splinter from this deck here or I’d be all over their geriatric asses by now,” Eren snarked, crossing his arms and tossing his head. “Besides, I kind of feel bad for the nasty things I said about Doris. Maybe the sneakers will atone for my harsh words.”

The man just snorted at him before making a running leap for the edge of the deck and dropping gracefully to the ground. Eren gasped before throwing himself at the edge to look over. What, was this guy suicidal or something?

Far from the flesh feast he’d been expecting, the scene below was one of pure beauty. The man danced through the air, long blades held confidently in each hand as he used them to slice through napes and limbs. Each step was part of a synchronized routine that spoke of countless reiterations and a meticulousness Eren could never even hope to possess. He gazed in wonder as the man transformed what Eren had always considered a desperate fight for survival into art, pure and unadulterated. Sure, the medium was blood and severed spinal cords, but that didn’t detract from the overall masterpiece this guy was creating. It was stunning, beautiful. It was fucking sexy.

Eren had to wipe a line of drool from his chin as the man finished and began flicking the blood and brains from his blades before sheaving them on his back. Carefully avoiding any puddles of blood (and how the hell had his outfit remained so pristine in that blood bath?), the man gingerly stooped and pried Eren’s shoes from Doris’ lifeless body (may she forever burn in the fiery pits of hell).

Eren blinked unsteadily as the man tossed the shoes up to him and then began walking in the opposite direction (which happened to be in the direction of the setting sun- God, what a classy motherfucker). He didn’t even pause to give Eren time to thank him. Eren jumped to his feet, cupping his hands around his mouth.

“Thanks, but don’t expect me to do you any favors in return!” Eren called after him. “I didn’t ask for your help!”

Eren watched as the man sauntered off, throwing a mild salute behind him.

Fuck. That man was going to have his babies.

***

What followed was three days of unapologetic stalking (and Eren was secure enough in himself to recognize that yes, it was in fact stalking in its most obscene form). He followed along after Hottie’s explorations of the little town Eren called home (if only because he was too lazy to procure a car and leave), taking note of what he spent extra time poring over and what had him breezing straight by. The guy had to have known he was hardcore being creeped on since it wasn’t exactly Eren’s sleuthing skills that had kept him alive in the apocalypse, but Hottie never outright called him out on it except for some heavy sighs and eye rolling every time Eren knocked over a trashcan or startled a nearby zombie herd (and sometimes that wasn’t exactly an accident- Eren _might_ have developed a kink for the way Hottie severed spinal cords, sue him).

Honestly, Eren took the lack of a reaction as a good sign; if the man was really annoyed by his presence he would have sliced him up into little bite sized pieces and used him for zombie bate already. In fact, Eren really thought they were developing quite the friendship via annoyed huffs and aggressive eyebrow communication. Now if they could just get to the stage where they held actual conversations and maybe he’d finally get some post-apocalyptic action.

Well, a man could dream. But was it really so far-fetched of a notion? Company wasn’t exactly easy to come by this day and age, so the man couldn’t afford to be picky; if that meant Eren was supposed to act as some kind of weird, kinky replacement for a person the man had lost in his life then Eren would take it. He had some weird kinks as well (ahem, severed spinal cords), so it was only fair.

Currently the man was inspecting an overturned semi near the highway. It wasn’t exactly a safe spot since there were so many places for zombies to pop out from, so Eren was doing his part for their little (imagined) duo and playing lookout. Which meant he was munching on some trail mix while perched on the hood of a minivan, but he could eat and watch so, lookout. He was doing it.

Playing lookout also gave him the perfect excuse to eye up the man. In the past few days, Eren had learned that not only was Hottie a secret creampuff who rescued stray dogs from zombie packs (and wasn’t that enough to get his poor heart to swoon), but also had an ass that would put J-Lo to shame. No seriously, his ass was crass, baby had back, Eren liked his butt and could. Not. Lie. It had gotten to the point where Eren almost hoped that the man wouldn’t ask him to join him; the view from behind was almost too good to pass up.

So yeah, he was a tad preoccupied fixing a dopey expression on the man instead of watching the surrounding area. But in his defense, when he heard the first shuffle that announced the presence of a zombie, he’d immediately sprung to his feet and searched for the threat in case he had to warn the guy.

“Fuck,” he breathed as he noticed the approaching herd. It was huge, headcount reaching at least twenty, and the first wave had almost reached the semi Hottie was now inside.

“Hey!” Eren shouted, hoping the man wouldn’t ignore his voice, but luckily Hottie poked his head out with an irritated expression. When he noticed the herd, his whole demeanor shifted and he jumped from the truck and withdrew his swords.

Eren was quick to hurdle himself from his car too, but his landing was much less graceful and ended with a bloody knee. Seriously, _fuck_ those Ho-Hos.

Checking his position, he sprinted to the closest zombie and pulled his trusty bat from his back, aiming a swing for its head. The hearty crunch that met his hears told him that this one was down for the count and he moved to the next. Bashing this one in the same way, Eren suddenly felt a death grip on his ankle and tripped to the ground. Okay, so the first guy was _not_ down for the count. Round two, then.

Pulling his foot back, Eren smashed the guy’s skull with all of his might (which, granted, wasn’t a lot) and twisted around until he could knock the second zombie’s legs out from underneath it. Hurling to his feet, he took his bat and smashed this one’s head as well. Threats neutralized.

“Why can’t I be this badass when someone is watching,” he bemoaned aloud. It probably had something to do with his lack of companions, but that was beside the point.

After his brief victory dance, he spun around to see that nearly all the zombies were gone, save one.

Shit, save one that was pinning Hottie against the side of the truck as it held his neck and snapped at his face. Hottie was snarling, using all his strength to fend off the zombie’s attack, but it was one meaty motherfucker and was getting closer with each second.

Eren searched around frantically for something he could use, but only spotted a small battle axe that the man had presumably thrown earlier. He’d never used one before though, so what if he missed and hit Hottie instead? But he wouldn’t make it in time if he ran over to them with his bat- Fuck, he didn’t have time for this.

Eren grabbed the axe and took three running steps. Flinging the axe with all his might, Eren didn’t even have time to freak out before the weapon was flying from his hand and embedding itself into the back of the zombie’s head.

Eren threw his hands up into the air with a joyful hoot as the zombie sank to the ground and Hottie was left slumped against the side of the semi. His eyes were wide and body frozen as if in shock until he visibly shook himself out of it and demanded, “Have you ever even thrown one of those before?”

Eren’s arms fell back to his sides and he blinked innocently at the man. “Uh, yes?”

Hottie’s eyes darkened and he brought his hands into fists at his side. “Do you know how stupid and irresponsible that was? You could have killed me!”

He marched up the incline to the highway, staring Eren down the entire time.

“Yeah, but I didn’t,” Eren sang, unable to control his grin, even in the face of impending doom by fine piece of ass. “Actually I saved your life, so you owe it to me to be a little nicer---”

 “No, you repaid your debt.” Hottie finally reached him, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and scowling. “I don’t owe you anything.”

Eren was going to snark back, but suddenly a zombie was jumping out from behind a car door (see, what had he told you? Highways, man) and knocking Hottie to the ground. It nearly took a chunk out of the man’s shoulder, but Eren smacked it off with his bat and stomped its head in. They both watched the head as it lazily leaked blood and brain matter onto the asphalt before Eren grinned cheekily.

“That’s two for me, I do believe.”

The man glared up at him from his place on the ground, eyes dark beneath his fringe, before sighing. “I suppose.”

Eren fist pumped. “Great! In return for saving your life, all I ask is your name.”

“My name,” the man drawled, disdain dripping from his tone.

“Yes. It’s getting quite tedious calling you Hottie McFineBody in my head.”

The man regarded him for a moment before murmuring, “Levi.”

Eren smiled. “Well Levi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Eren and I do believe we would make good travel companions.”

Levi cocked his head, an interested light entering his eyes. “Is that so?”

“Without a doubt. With your sexy fighting skills and my ability to sniff out all Hostess products in a 10 miles radius, I think we would be unbeatable.”

Eren allowed a genuine smile to stretch across his face and he extended a palm toward Levi where he was still sprawled on his (glorious) ass across the ground. “So whadya say, Levi?”

Levi glared him.

“I shouldn’t trust you.”

“No, probably not.”

“You’re probably some kind of psychotic ax murderer who is capitalizing off the general lawlessness of the apocalypse.”

“It’s entirely possible.”

Levi paused for a moment.

“Well alright then.”

And he grabbed the offered hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and kudos much appreciated:)


End file.
